7/5/26
Hey. Once in a blue moon entry comin' at ya. I want to still have a blog but I don't like broadcasting myself to the public so I'll try to hide this better so only the true freaks and weirdos will find it. I'll also probably only post about my art and generally vague updates about my life because I hate to be so personal like that. but anyways, it's been a nice summer so far. I guess I stressed too much about not having anything to do because I'm actually doing fine! Deltarune chapter five came out, Artfight is still kicking, and I've made plenty of art this summer that I've been too tired to in previous years. Uh, I half picked up meditation. I don't really like sitting through guided meditations even though its a lot easier to do than on my own, so usually I only do it if I'm feeling super scattered or overwhelmed. Also, an update, I cannot open perfect tides anymore. I want to finish the game but its literally not letting me in. someone help.
Fourth of July
And because it is the Fourth of July I cannot tell if those beads of light are stars, lightning bugs or fireworks
For one, I feel the eggshell crackle of stars hang above my periphery
Two they, those holes in the night, dart feverishly like fireflies, in broken sync in the bog of summer
But I also hear the distant bumbling *kaboom* of fireworks, they spasm in my ears but never cease
Not until midnight at least.
But yeah, they’re fireworks.
Because stars, they’re too far, I can point and grasp at them but never reach
Bugs, too close, though they may be captured, their incessant buzzing, blinking bugging
But the light show, I can feel the smoke pooling in my lungs and their vibrant bursting psalms rings through my entire body until I am nothing but the one listening
Cicadas
Seventeen years, now you emerge
You leave your soil harbor
Spread your wings like tattered sails
And blow this world asunder
Brown abdomen, spring’s medicine
Humming Summer’s tune
Clung on concrete, sky’s a-bloomin’
To gravity, immune.
An army of wings, never ceasing
A choir of sunkissed eyes
Red as the tears inside them
You let out your battle cry:
Wzzzzzzzzwzzzzzzz
Your choir hisses and sounds
then the summer sun dips down
Your song dies, heavenbound
5/23/26
it's pretty weird doing an update right now. Too much has happened to condense into a single entry, and honestly I can't be bothered. I started playing Perfect Tides a bit ago. I relate to the MC quite a bit man. The writing in that game feels so real I can't explain it. They are human thoughts yaknow. I also finally finished Unstable Universe (at least up to the end of the director arc) and it has sent me down a deep writhing rabbithole of despair like holy moly man that hurt. I'm scared now that my interest is going to fade. This period of transition is always scary for me. Sometimes I wish I could just never lose interest in one thing and love it very much forever, but then I'd be a static character and despite how much it hurts sometimes, change is good. Growth is... good.
4/5/26
I'm sure this isn't just a me thing but I find it extremely difficult to say what I mean. Often I say too much or too little that the original thought I grew in my head has already been warped beyond comprehension by the time pen reaches paper. It's probably better if I just go 'screw it who cares how other people percieve me' but that is so much easier said than done.
4/2/26
This morning I went on a hike with a friend in the trail. I hadn't been there in quite some time and was surprised the see the swing that had previously been taken down had returned unscathed in a location not far from its original habitat. Today I felt that there is something missing. A looming cloud of either dread, emptiness, or both. Perhaps it is because most of my family is on vacation and here I am at home by choice. I probably shouldn't dwell too long on it, but I do wish I could talk to a certain someone. Today, I will watch the party streamers flutter and drink orange juice on the ground before I shower. Today I realized that I was dissociating more than I said I would but I think it's good that I even noticed it. I was just too lazy to zone back in and ground myself. It takes a lot of work to keep my feet on the ground (both figuratively and literally).
3/28/26
I'm feeling kind of stale this morning, or I guess a better word would be soft and squishy (three words). I'm in for a long, possibly lonely spring break. This morning I felt the urge to rewatch one of those 2020 moodboard things which led to playing the intro to worldstar money on loop for 30 minutes. It's probably not good to wallow in self pity the whole week so I wrote down a list of things I must do:
